Being a Mom

Being a mom can be very emotional and anyone that knows me, knows that I am not a very emotional person...BUT being a mom puts a whole new layer to my life. I have been JB's mom for six years now. JB is a pretty easy kid, he has really only given us a little trouble in the last year or so. I have not done too much worrying about JB...he is a very likable kid, who is very confident and he can get along with anyone. Maybe God has ministry plans for him! The only thing that ever hurt my heart was that God had me raising a precious little boy who lost his mom at the age of ten. I had NO idea how to help. I have lost very few people in my life, so many nights all I would do was talk or hug to help that grief!

Then we got Jazzy. The things that I worry about with her are much different. I spent almost the first nine months wondering if her parents were going to get their act together at the last minute and come and take her back. For those of you that know Jazz's story, you know that all of that ended in January. It was a day that I thought only happened in Hallmark movies or something...it was truly a day that was COVERED with God's hands. I am not going to tell the whole story, but I will say that the emotional happy ending came when both of Jazz's bio parents signed their rights to us.


Then came B. I worried about B for different reasons, mainly because she was a sad little girl when we got her and my heart broke over and over to think that my two year old had lived in at least 6 different homes since she was born. Unlike Jazz's parents, whom I never met...I have had the opportunity to be with B's mom many times. It is a strange feeling to feel as much emotion for my daughter's mom as I do for my daughter. I think often about what events in her life led up to her losing all three of her children. Many times, she has been very honest with me about what her life has truly been like and my heart breaks for her!


Why am I talking about all of this? I guess it is because I am thankful every day that God has allowed me to be their mom. I was reading a devotional earlier and it said in Psalm 113:9 that "He gives children to the woman who has none and makes her a happy mother. Praise the Lord!" God has given me my children, but He never promised me how long they would be mine. I guess all of these thoughts came to me because I received an e-mail today that Jazz's mom contacted our CPS worker. It just shot a jolt through me and reminded me that His promises are for today.


I don't know if that is how you feel when you have given birth to your children, but some days I just want time to freeze and we can all pretend that my children's lives will always be OK. However, I know that is not how life really is, so as Jason I head down this journey...my prayer is that we always remember that they ONLY way for us to truly make it through raising our children is to daily cling to Him!