Happy Fall!

The fall is my favorite time of year...I married my best friend and love of my life in the fall!

My handsome son...I can't believe he is so big. He is playing Varsity ball and turning into quite a young man. Every once in a while he gives me a glance at who he is and I see that a little bit of me and his dad have rubbed off on him!

When we all got dressed this morning, I realized that we all kinda matched...

so we took some pics after church today.

The goof balls...they are two peas in a pod!

Royalty Came to Visit!

The boys went to the football game and the girls stayed home with mom...I put some make up on them and let them play dress up...they were so stinkin cute!

Here are some of the highlights from the day...

For the Record

Today I don't have any cute pictures to post. But, I do have something that I can't quite get out of my mind.

Please know that there is NOT any part of me that thinks I have it all figured out. There are some days that I feel as though I have NOTHING figured out!

I think sometimes people sit back and look at other Christians and say "wow, so and so must really love God". But, the second they do something that is "not so Christian", they think...and she or he is a Christian?

Please know that if you are going to be a part of my life, there are MESS ups that I make every single day and I am ALWAYS going to let you down when compared to other people's "perfect" vision of the Christian life. Only Christ is and was perfect! I was reminded today that He was God's perfect lamb that was sent to earth to be slain for us...for our sins.

I DO love God with ALL of my heart and try to follow after Him every step of the way!

Recently, if you have spent anytime with me...you know that I am struggling with something that I really don't know what to do. God has asked me to do something I didn't and some days, don't want to do. He made it very clear to both Jason and I that it was what we were supposed to do...BUT it was not my idea nor my picture for what I thought my life was supposed to look like.

To be honest, I don't even have a vision for what the outcome should look like. In my life, when things get difficult, I always try and vision what it will look like on the other side of the "storm" and that is what always seems to get me through. But, this time there is no picture...I feel as though I am just blindly following. For me...Mrs. Bossy pants, always in charge...that is scarier than seeing that I am about to hit a brick wall.

The same thing has played in my head for at least 6 months now...it comes to me at the oddest times..."How long will I trust God, if He is not answering my prayers fast enough or He is not answering them the way I thought they should be answered?"

Do I have faith like Sarah and Abraham? Do I have the faith of my grandma who prayed for my grandpa to come to church for over 20 years? Has my Christian walk been ok because I have trusted God? Or has my walk been ok, because God has not truly ever challenged my faith?

This last year or so, Jason and I have both felt as though we were being sifted like wheat. Yes, we have come out better, but when is the sifting going to cease? I guess the answer to that is... when are we going to truly rest in our relationship with God?

I am reading a great book right now and last night I ended with... "Jesus' call to commitment is clear: He wants all or nothing. The thought of a person calling himself a "Christian" without being a devoted follower of Christ is absurd."

Devoted is a strong word and today I just don't know how I am measuring up.

By the way, over the past 5 days, I have begun to let go of my ideas for this situation and through that, God has shown me some cool things.

Celebrate Good Times

We had an adoption party for Jazzy this weekend and we had a blast! We are truly BLESSED to have such a GREAT group of friends who love and support us...with out all of their prayers, we could not have made it through this last year!

Ms. Clara...one of my kid's second mothers!

Aunt Cole...my partner in crime though this whole adoption process...she was with me the day Jazz's parents' rights were terminated.

Mrs. Angel...awesome friend...would give you the shirt off her back!

Mrs. Nancy...such a prayer warrior with an incredible walk with the Lord, who many times points me back in the right direction with her insight into God's Word.

My best friend and her husband...she keeps me sane...he keeps me insane :) !

Mrs. Bradley...Jazz's teacher this year...she has prayed for us every step of the way!

Ms. Delma...one of the BEST women I know...loves us like we are hers...she finished raising my husband for me...PRAISE GOD! She has always been a part of my life!

Ms. Delma made us these REALLY cute matching aprons for Jazz's adoption...PRICELESS!

My Maw Maw...taught me what loving the Lord really means and my mom...she is the best mom in the world and I look forward to watching her be Jazz's Bicky!

OK...I had to include Mrs. Gail...she was at the party, but had to leave and then she came back...but she missed all of the pics. She is also my kid's other mother. God knew that she could not raise my kids because they would be rotten to the core! I really could not have made it through the year without her prayers and encouragement along the way.

Jasmine Jay Payne

Our daughter was officially adopted last Thursday. Jason and I are thrilled that chapter is closed and a new chapter may begin. Jazzy is definitely the bright spot in our day. Jazzy has a heart of gold and is SO sincere. She loves you with all shes got and she is curious about everything.

Mama LOVES ya Jazzy Jay and I have since the first time that I laid eyes on you!

Here is the first picture that we ever saw of Jazzy...

Here she is now...

What a precious blessing from God!

Officially Mrs. Evans

So, my sister is married and is officially Mrs. Evans. The wedding was in Los Cabos, Mexico.

I was in Daytona, Fl. at Big Stuf with a big group of teenagers, adults and children. So, I had to fly out of Daytona by myself to Mexico. I left my hubby and kids behind, which was really hard for me.

I have never flown into a foreign country, so I was pretty nervous. On top of that, when Jason took me to the airport that morning so that I could fly out...he was about to kiss me good-bye when I had the urge to throw up...long story short...I puked my way all the way to MEXICO and continued to puke my way through Mexico! That was REALLY fun times and NO I am NOT pregnant! Moving on with the story...

So, when I arrived in Mexico. The airport looks MUCH different that the airports that I am used to...plus there were lots of little Mexican men with machine guns...that was a very comforting sight. Anyway, I found me a little "Mexican" friend to show me where to go. I was then directed to a taxi. A taxi in Mexico is actually a 12 passenger van...at that point I made a new friend the taxi driver. I started panicking because he had already crammed about 15 people into the back and I was the last to load...GREAT...just my luck! About that time, the little man closed the van door and the opened the front door for me...SCORE, I got to sit up front! It was GREAT!

I finally arrived at the hotel...I was the last to be dropped off and my ride was as eventful as the rest of my trip had been. My little taxi driver friend really only drove one speed and that was somewhere around 80 mph. The scenery on the way there consisted of desert and goats and cactus. There is DEFINITELY no place like home!

When I finally arrived I was very happy to see my family. My uncle, who is used to traveling the world asked me if I was excited to have my first passport stamp. I asked him, what passport stamp? Long story short...remember my little Mexican friend that I talked about back at the airport...he apparently led me right past immigration...So I was in the country ILLEGALLY! More fun times!

Luckily, my sister's wedding was gorgeous! And I am VERY excited for her and Ryan! He is a GREAT guy! The rest of the weekend was great and I was glad to share in the memory with my family. I really enjoyed getting to spend some time with my baby brother...we don't get to see each other a whole lot.

When I arrived back at the airport, Continental would not allow me to load because I was illegal! Luckily for me, I made me another "Friend" at the immigration desk who helped me work everything out. I am pretty sure that Mexican men like red heads...good thing for me. I finally made it back to Texas and back to my family which is where I belong. I am pretty sure that I have no desire to leave the good ole USA again. God knew better than me that I didn't need to be a missionary in a foreign country, but that I was made to serve right where I am! Praise God!

Being a Mom

Being a mom can be very emotional and anyone that knows me, knows that I am not a very emotional person...BUT being a mom puts a whole new layer to my life. I have been JB's mom for six years now. JB is a pretty easy kid, he has really only given us a little trouble in the last year or so. I have not done too much worrying about JB...he is a very likable kid, who is very confident and he can get along with anyone. Maybe God has ministry plans for him! The only thing that ever hurt my heart was that God had me raising a precious little boy who lost his mom at the age of ten. I had NO idea how to help. I have lost very few people in my life, so many nights all I would do was talk or hug to help that grief!

Then we got Jazzy. The things that I worry about with her are much different. I spent almost the first nine months wondering if her parents were going to get their act together at the last minute and come and take her back. For those of you that know Jazz's story, you know that all of that ended in January. It was a day that I thought only happened in Hallmark movies or something...it was truly a day that was COVERED with God's hands. I am not going to tell the whole story, but I will say that the emotional happy ending came when both of Jazz's bio parents signed their rights to us.


Then came B. I worried about B for different reasons, mainly because she was a sad little girl when we got her and my heart broke over and over to think that my two year old had lived in at least 6 different homes since she was born. Unlike Jazz's parents, whom I never met...I have had the opportunity to be with B's mom many times. It is a strange feeling to feel as much emotion for my daughter's mom as I do for my daughter. I think often about what events in her life led up to her losing all three of her children. Many times, she has been very honest with me about what her life has truly been like and my heart breaks for her!


Why am I talking about all of this? I guess it is because I am thankful every day that God has allowed me to be their mom. I was reading a devotional earlier and it said in Psalm 113:9 that "He gives children to the woman who has none and makes her a happy mother. Praise the Lord!" God has given me my children, but He never promised me how long they would be mine. I guess all of these thoughts came to me because I received an e-mail today that Jazz's mom contacted our CPS worker. It just shot a jolt through me and reminded me that His promises are for today.


I don't know if that is how you feel when you have given birth to your children, but some days I just want time to freeze and we can all pretend that my children's lives will always be OK. However, I know that is not how life really is, so as Jason I head down this journey...my prayer is that we always remember that they ONLY way for us to truly make it through raising our children is to daily cling to Him!